Potty Training a Strong Willed Child (Part 2)

What is a parent to do when it seems they've tried every potty training tip in the book? 

By: Daniel Wagner.

In Part One of “Potty Training a Strong Willed Child,” I discussed the constant struggle that my wife and I had with our youngest child over potty training. I provided a long list of different approaches we used; none of which seemed to work. In Part Two, I will go back in time a bit to try and provide some background into what drove many of my parenting decisions.

Many many moon ago: It wasn’t until recently during a conversation with my mother that I found out all the potty training struggles she went through with me as a kid. It was amazing all the parallels I could draw between our situations. There were so methods and techniques she tried that simply did not work. During this conversation she felt compelled to apologize for everything; explaining that she was under great pressure from her family to force the potty training issue. She had attempted to implement many of the same archaic methods that we tried, to no avail.

That’s Gross! She relayed to me a story of my diaper escapades in which I decided that I would be a young artist by promptly removing my own diaper and proceeding to create a beautiful monochromatic brown mural upon the wall nearest my crib. Apparently, I was ready to remove the diaper, but seemed to have little interest in taking the necessary steps to move to toilet training.

It wasn’t until I was about nine or ten before I finally got control over my own nighttime bathroom issues. I was potty trained in every other way, but for whatever reason, bedwetting was a long-lasting struggle. I would argue that it was very likely the coercive methods my parents attempted which only resulted in further perpetuating my resistance to the idea. 

Shaming and punishment were tools that never seemed to teach me anything.

The key takeaway from the conversation with my mother was that ultimately I’m not going to be able to force Sophia to learn anything that she’s not ready to learn. She’s much too strong-willed and stubborn, like her daddy.

Extrinsic motivational tools seem to do nothing but strengthen her resolve and heighten her resistance. The punishments only succeeded in controlling her behavior through fear and coercion. She needed to be motivated intrinsically. The only way she ever seemed to follow through was if she saw the value herself.

The fact is; coercive methods did not work for me either, and they were not likely to work on Sophia. Before my transformation into a peaceful parent, I would never have seen this. Her strong will would not be easily exploited and molded into what we thought she should do. There had to be another approach we could have taken sooner that would have changed the outcome.

In Part Three, The Potty Whisperer, Adriana Vermillion, analyzes our story and offers some great tips that could have made all the difference; great advice that could have saved us tons of stress and diaper money. I imagine that there are many other parents out there who are having similar struggles with their young ones. 

Daniel Wagner.

Daniel Wagner, owner of the Parent of Progress blog, shares his experiences, tips, and advice for new parents and/or parents who are new to the concept of peaceful parenting and the challenges associated with the transition in differing mindsets.

 

Toilet Training Readiness

www.adrianasservices.com

When should I start toilet training my child?

When Potty Training with us you and your child should be ready both physically and emotionally for toilet training.

In our experience we see that most children are ready when they are up to 5 months old, again at about 8 months old, 18 months old and between 22 and 30 months of age, although every child is different.

Toilet training can become a long and frustrating process if you try to start it before your child is ready to potty train and ready for potty training. Our professional trainers can help you with the process in getting and being ready to start potty training. Here at IPTS (International Potty Training Services) we believe a child is ready at just about any time, however psychologically a child may need a few props before they can accept the new routine and idea of being potty trained. Think about it your child had to learn how to eat, sleep, walk and talk. Potty Training is no different; it just takes a little time.

Most pediatricians agree that before children can use the toilet, they must be able to control their bowel and bladder muscles; however we disagree because every child needs a chance to potty train. Our children spend a lot of time in school, in front of television and in after school activities. Their muscles can and will develop by being used and exercised, and that is what we do at IPTS.

Pediatricians and the American household suggest that some signs of the bowel and bladder muscle control are having bowel movements around the same time each day, not having bowel movements at night, and having a dry diaper after a nap or for at least 2 hours at a time, that will keep your child in diapers until around 48 months old. They also agree that children must also be able to climb, talk, remove clothing, and have mastered other basic motor skills before they can use the toilet by themselves, true if your child can be kept in diapers until 5 years old, however most nursery schools and preschools want your child potty trained by 24 months old, and that is what we do.

Most children seem to be physically ready to toilet train before they are emotionally ready. We help your child through the process and help them decide to want to use the toilet and be willing to cooperate with you and us. Your child may even talk about being a "big boy" or "big girl" and wearing underpants rather than diapers. Training generally does not go well if your child is in the stage where "no" is his or her automatic response to every request, however we do sometime run through a dry phase and we help the child bypass it or we help the child work through it.

How long does it take to toilet train?

A child is considered toilet-trained when he or she knows that it is time to go to the bathroom and is able to climb onto and use the toilet with little help. In a study of children who started training between 22 and 30 months of age, boys were fully trained at an average age of 38 months, while girls were trained slightly earlier, around 36 months.

Your child will likely need help with wiping after a bowel movement until age 4 or 5. He or she may also need extra help in unfamiliar bathrooms, such as public restrooms, until about age 5 or 6.

What if my child resists?

If your child resists using the toilet, he or she probably isn't ready to start in that mindset. In about seventy hours we can help you and your family start on the right foot, and this is a requirement in order to use our service. Sometimes toilet training disruptions or delays are caused by stress or major changes in routine. Also, a child who is doing well with toilet training may suddenly have difficulty for no obvious reason. This is a normal part of toilet training. It is best to work with us during this time instead of just quitting, the child need consistency.

Your child's toilet training experience needs to be positive. If it becomes a struggle or a battle of wills, it is best to let us help you ease up for a while. Although you may be ready for toilet training, your child may not be and that is what we do, we help your child be ready.